This week our local love doctors are dishing out advice on how to have fun in a city where too many guys just want to hit it and quit it. Joe (right) and Claudia (left), answer this brain buster.
My girlfriends and I are from Taiwan and have been here for three years. We’ve all dated a couples of guys but nothing serious. We can’t find decent guys with whom to have relationships. We’re not ready to settle down, but most guys we meet are just playing around. What can we do to have fun but not be labeled as sluts? - Seeking Mr. Right Now.
The Western View
What can you say about Shanghai? It’s not a city suited to settling down. Most people have trouble committing to plans for the weekend let alone the social anchor of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Unfortunately for you women, the threat of being branded a slut looms overhead like the smoke cloud in Shelter. The truth is, being a slut has more to do with perception than how many notches you actually carve into your bedpost. There are several ways I have witnessed females handle this dilemma. One is the “ask three times” rule, or as I like to call it, The Roppongi Shuffle. In this case I would ask a girl back to my place and the answer would be “no way.” On the second attempt I would also be rebuffed with an “I don’t want to!” But on the third try, the response changes to “Sure let’s roll.” This faux-defense sends the message, “I’m easy, but not that easy.” Next we have the “fixed count,” (aka “the Sicilian Gambit”). The next time you take a guy back home, tell him that you have a fixed number of men you plan to sleep with in your life and he gets to be one. Not only is he going to think you are pure as an Alaskan snow flake, he will be sure to give 120 percent effort on the field, because it’s a lot of pressure being one of the select few. Pick a method and go to having fun.
The Chinese View
Life is too short to look back, so you should not worry this much. My life philosophy is never regret what you have done. If you regret, you simply denied yourself and wasted the limited time in life. In your case, if you are not ready to settle down, why bother to find your Mr. Right? If you insist on doing so because people say it’s right, don’t do it. Go with your feelings and do what you feel like doing. If you’re worried about being labeled a slut, don’t be a slut! You can go out and enjoy yourself as much as you want. Having fun is not wrong! I understand your worries; most of the time, girls are more restricted by social rules. Single guys playing around are considered bachelors; single girls doing the same thing around are categorized as sluts. It’s not very fair. It’s very common for girls to know what they want but not have the courage to do it. My suggestion is to always protect yourself, both physically and emotionally. As long as you can handle it, you can be a playgirl too. It’s not easy: if you’re like most girls, you will go through a process wherein you judge yourself and feel guilty. I call it the self-struggling period, but it’s a must if you want to have fun and enjoy your life. Once you pass that period, you will be emotionally safe from others’ judgement. For physical protection, you know what to do, girl! Just be true to your heart, be safe and you will be fine.
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