This week our local love doctors are dishing out advice on what to do when an ex comes to visit. To stay or not to stay? See what Joe (right) and Claudia (left) have to say to this brain buster:
My former girlfriend from back in the U.K. is going to be in Shanghai for a few days and asked to stay with me. We’re still really close, and I don’t want her to have to pay for a hotel. How do I bring this up with my current girlfriend, if at all? - Slumber Party
The Western View
With regard to exes, when someone says, “We’re still really close,” what I hear is, “We still both want to knock boots.” Unfortunately, that is the translation your girlfriend is going to come up with, plus a thick frosty layer of paranoia and an insecurity cherry on top. That you even ask this question shows me two glaringly obvious facts: 1. You are still not over your ex, and 2. You understand women about as well as I understand nuclear physics, which is to say you don’t have a clue. Playing around with either while lacking the required know-how is a surefire way to get your face burnt off. Do you really think your current girl is going to buy the “I don’t want her to pay for a hotel” excuse? I can smell the fumes off that bullsh*t all the way over here. Trust me, that is only going to make it worse. We both know you want your ex to stay at your place so that after two straight days of flirting and reminiscing about the halcyon days of your relationship, inhibitions will be washed away with hard alcohol, and before the sun rises you two will have shared a plate of what I believe your people call “bangers and mash.” Unless you’re eager to be single, I highly recommend either keeping silent about your plans for a temporary roommate, or just offering to spring for a room at Motel 168.
The Chinese View
Bring it up to your current girlfriend casually and honestly, and try not to make it sound like a big deal. Tell her the situation and stress that you really don’t want your close friend to pay for a hotel. Ask what she thinks. There’s a 75 percent chance that she’ll say no, especially if your place has only one bedroom, and a 25 percent chance she won’t care that your ex-girlfriend is going to stay alone with you for a few days. Things naturally sound suspicious and flirty when exes are involved. You can’t blame your current girlfriend, because it’s totally normal and understandable. Usually, current girlfriends / boyfriends have complexes regarding exes. In your case, you still are really close to your ex-girlfriend, so it can be more serious. If I were your girlfriend, I would say no to this. It’s not that I don’t trust you; I simply don’t like the idea of my boyfriend recalling some of the good old days with his ex. However, suggest to your girlfriend some other ways to handle the situation. Ask her if you can stay with her at her place while your ex stays at yours (this is if you have a one-bedroom), or ask your girlfriend to come stay with you (this is if you have more than one bedroom). If both girls are quite open-minded and friendly, maybe your ex can stay with your girlfriend. After all, they have you in common, so your past and current tenses will probably have a good time talking about you!