Wed, November 23, 2011
CityGuide > Comments

Let's talk about sex: craving more kink

2011-11-23 02:28:09 GMT2011-11-23 10:28:09(Beijing Time)  City Weekend

Let's talk about sex: craving more kink

This week our local love doctors are dishing out advice on what to do with a prude in the bedroom. See what Joe (right) and Claudia (left) have to say to this brain buster:

My Chinese girlfriend is a really cool chick but she won’t do the kinky things my American ex used to do. How can I turn her into my nasty little vixen? - Horny for More

So you found the perfect girl: great personality, gorgeous, sharp sense of humor, almost too good to be true. Then you got her into the bedroom to taste her spicy Sichuan dish, only to find out she is a cold slab of tofu. This isn’t uncommon at all. There is just no surefire way to predict whether someone will be proficient in the art of making whoopee. It is especially difficult in a country as socially conservative as China, where, like in sports, a lot of women may have the raw natural talent but lack the ball-handling skills to be a marquee player. In the U.S. where I’m from, with the average woman going down more often than a Chilean coal miner does, fellatio ranks somewhere between holding hands and tango dancing on the Ruthian scale of kink. Yet I have encountered quite a few local ladies who aren’t even comfortable with that. Just last week I found myself with a lass who refused. I was all, “Do they still make you?!?” And she was all, “If you’re not going to purchase anything, please leave the Family Mart, sir.” Prude. The good news is, where there’s a will, there’s a way. If you communicate your desire to explore new love-making frontiers together in a respectful way, she should be game. Just reassure her you are making discoveries together, be patient, and make sure you cover her fantasies as well. If she still plays hardball, then it may just be time to send her to the farm league.

The Chinese View

Really, what’s a nasty little vixen? I have never heard of that term before. Seriously, I’m not joking. Anyway, it’s a big mission to change your girlfriend’s mind if she doesn’t want to do kinky things with you. In Chinese culture, we are not as open-minded about sex as our Western peers may be. We studied Confucian philosophy for years when we were in school; we were educated to become gentle, mannered and refined women. We mind our every move and behave properly, so as not to lose face for our families and ourselves. Thus it can be dangerous, even evil, to think about possibly immoral things, let alone to do them. It might sound ridiculous that your girlfriend may not be open to getting kinky in the bedroom due to some Confucian pedagogy, but that’s where she’s likely coming from. So I suggest that you find another girlfriend who will be more than happy to share your fantasies and enjoy your wildest sex hobbies. Don’t force your Chinese girlfriend to do something she is not willing to do because it’s against her cultural morals. A good relationship, including a satisfying sex life, should make you happy and proud. Don’t let your sexual preferences become a nightmare for your woman.

Do you have a sex, dating or relationship problem? Can no one else help? Send your quandaries to our expert sex columnists at or leave them below.


Add Your Comments:

Your Name:
Your Country:
(English Only)
Please read our Terms of Service. Messages that harass, abuse or threaten others; have obscene or otherwise objectionable content; have spam, commercial or advertising content or links may be removed.