Fixing the economy will likely be put off for a few hours this evening: President Obama will be busy shaking down some celebriguests attending a funraising dinner co-hosted by "Sex and the City" star Sarah Jessica Parker and Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour at Parker's New York City home.
Tickets cost $40,000, about as much as the average person makes in a year. For donating all that money, what kind of party favors do these guests get? We can't afford to attend ourselves to find out firsthand, and even if we could, journalistic principles would bar us from accepting any of the gifts.
So we're left to imagine the donation-party-favor ratio for Obama's uber supporters:
For $10,000: Matthew Broderick will sit next to you. For $5,000, you'll share a table with Will Smith. For $50, Joe Biden will watch you eat and tell you it's a "big f***king meal."
The standard dinner will be overseen by Michelle Obama and will consist of locally grown herbs, low-fat beet-garnished eggplant and a corn-and-soybean protein shake. For $4.50, you might want to try Burger King.
For $15,000: You might get a flattering profile in Vogue — though it'll cost another $15,000 for that profile to remain online once the editors kill the link.
For $2,000: Obama will give you a personal shout-out at the beginning of his speech. For $4,000, he'll serenade you with three seconds of Al Green. For bundling a half-million dollars for his re-election campaign, he'll make you the ambassador to England.
Donate $30,000, and you'll get you the cell phone number of super PAC Priorities USA Action major domo Bill Burton, but only after working through a series of increasingly complex clues to throw the Federal Election Commission off track.
For $9,000: Newark, N.J., Mayor Cory Booker will light your table on fire, then carry you out of the house on his shoulders. And for an extra two grand, he'll write you a job recommendation for Bain Capital.
If Fifth Avenue is packed and you're running late, for $5,000 the president will call you in your car and tell you that "the traffic is doing fine."